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back in denton

August 20th, 2008, Posted in General @ 12:32 am

NP: I Don’t Wanna Be In Love - Good Charlotte

well i’m back in denton! yay! i’m having a blast and a half so far.

kevin totalled his car on the way up here on saturday, so we have one car to share indefinitely. it’s gonna be tougher than last year because we’re not surrounded by people with cars that we can hitch rides with when needed and of course we need a car to get to school. so it looks like i’m waking up at 7:30 to get kevin to his class at 8 two days a week, but i’ll survive.

i’ve gotten to hang out with my old roomie, sarah, a couple of times and am loving that. we just talked for like 3 hours last night. today i hung out with melissa and we had snowcones. i’ve gotten to go back to clark once, and plan on doing that again, possibly tomorrow. tonight kevin, jeff and i went to casino night at denton bible church. sooo much fun. it felt like vegas in there. all the dealers and servers were dressed for the part, TONS of hold’em and blackjack tables, craps, and live music that included impersonations of elvis, etc. it was glorious. at the end of the night i got invited to the high rollers table, but i only got to bask in its light for a couple of minutes as i played one hand before they shut it down for the night. i got to see a lot of old friends, including my old small group leader, a girl from my small group freshman year, a guy i went on a mission trip with last spring, a few random friends from church, and my old RA andy. sooo good to see him. i hadn’t seen him since last july.

now tomorrow matty is coming into town and i’m super excited about what the rest of this week has in store!

p.s. my new house is awesome and everyone needs to come visit. we’ll party.

yay

July 27th, 2008, Posted in General @ 10:10 pm

NP: Practice Makes Perfect - Cute is What We Aim For

so i pretty much have a great life at the moment. my house in denton is ready for me thanks to my awesome parents, i get to see my denton friends soon, i love the people i work with….and everything else is pretty cool too.

those difficult questions

July 12th, 2008, Posted in Relationships @ 8:14 pm

NP: She’s a Lady - Forever the Sickest Kids

does finding out that your best friend doesn’t actually like you give you permission to fall for the guy who just dumped her?

progress

July 3rd, 2008, Posted in General @ 12:30 pm

NP: Figure it Out - Plain White T’s

i’m almost there…

i know this really isn’t you

June 26th, 2008, Posted in Relationships, Songs @ 10:34 pm

NP: Never Far Behind - Aly & AJ

i know this really isn’t you
i know your heart is somewhere else
and i’ll do anything i can
to help you break out of this spell
i see you following your crowd
i know you’re trying to fit in
but if your gonna find yourself
you gotta start from deep, deep within

hold on to what you believe

i will always be your friend
i know who you are inside
i am with you till the end
never far behind
i am standing in the distance
you can take your time
and i will be there waiting
never far behind

love sick stomach ache

June 17th, 2008, Posted in Relationships @ 7:16 pm

this has to stop. i have to either fall out of love with him or he has to change basically who he is. not impossible, but discouragingly unlikely.

(not the guy from my earlier blog.)

iphizzone?

June 13th, 2008, Posted in General @ 12:09 am

i’m entertaining the idea of getting an iphone.

if i can get a job, i can afford it. it’d only be $30 extra per month…

hmmm…..

i knew it would happen…

June 8th, 2008, Posted in Relationships @ 3:00 pm

NP: Six String Rocketeer - Daily Planet

so early in the spring semester i got back in touch with an old friend. he was one of my best friends in high school. well, we were close from about 8th to 10th grade. i actually had a huge crush on him for awhile, but he started dating my best friend. we stayed somewhat close (not much of a choice in such a small school) but something was missing from when it was the 3 of us hanging out as friends.

well senior year i got really upset with my best friend because of their relationship. basically, she treated him like crap and he would have given her the moon anyway. they ended up breaking up. it was pretty messy and he decided never to speak to her again. he and i, in turn, lost touch.

well like i said, in february i texted him on his birthday and we started talking again for basically the first time in about 2 years. i didn’t see him after their breakup because she was my best friend and he refused to be in the same room as her. so it felt so good to have him back. i was reminded why i loved him and wondered how we could ever lose touch again.

i coached him through some bitter moments and tried to get him to move on from his ex, but he was still pretty bitter about it. he referred to me as his therapist. meanwhile, my best friend broke up with her boyfriend and he caught wind of it. she claimed she’d changed (and i believe her) and wanted desperately to see him again. he wanted nothing to do with her. but as i coaxed him toward forgiveness, he made the decision that he was going to give her a chance to explain herself. he asked how i felt about that and i told him honestly that from my conversations with him and with her, that i thought the best thing for him would be to move on. get to the point where you can stand to attend the same party, then move on. the best thing for her would be to get back together. unfortunately you have to pick one or the other or find a happy medium…or leave things the way they were — miserable.

when he made the decision to talk to her again, i will admit my reasons were selfish for not wanting it to go incredibly well. i remembered what it was like the first time they started dating, when he and i lost our close friendship and i was afraid that now that i had him back, i wouldn’t be able to find that with him again once he went back to her. so yeah i guess i’m wrong and maybe even a bad friend for not wanting my best friends utter happiness, i won’t deny it.

well it happened. he talked to her. it went well. now instead of talking to me for 3 hours a day, he texts her, calls her, and visits her 24/7. meanwhile i get nothing. now that i’m typing it i feel incredibly selfish, but really, before they talked he came to pick me up at my house just to drive around on a boring night, or he got online to talk to me about life in general, or called me to keep himself awake while driving back to school. he said i was one of the only girls he actually liked. now it’s like i’m not even here. i haven’t heard from him but about twice since they started things back up. i can see it coming. they’re getting back together i’m sure. which means i’ll only see him when he’s with her. and i’m happy for them. i want nothing more than to see both of them happy again, but i thought maybe i could keep that friendship that we had redeveloped. i guess not. i was so excited about the list of stuff he and i were gonna do together this summer. we were gonna go to a concert, a couple of astros games, have a spaghetti picnic, and had a list of movies to watch together and it won’t be the same if i’m just the third wheel on the summer we planned together.

every 11:11…all you

May 29th, 2008, Posted in Relationships, Songs @ 9:27 pm
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NP: I Wanna Have Your Babies - Natasha Bedingfield

what if you knew what i was thinking?
would it make you like “whoa!”?
i don’t wanna risk putting my foot in this
so i keep my mouth closed.

every wish, every candle, every coin in the fountain
[it was all about you]

well hello there

May 29th, 2008, Posted in General @ 9:10 pm

NP: Hourglass - The Hush Sound

so i haven’t blogged in awhile…some pretty major things have happened since i last did.

1) my grandpa died. i knew it was coming but i didn’t realize how unprepared i was for it. he was only sick for a few months, how did this happen? he died from a lung infection he couldn’t fight because of the leukemia. at the viewing i couldn’t stand being in the room with him. i think i might have hurt my mimi’s feelings because i didn’t go hug her. it’s just that she was standing right by him and i just couldn’t bear to look. i don’t want to remember him in a casket. i want to remember him fixing my futon and playing dominos with my mom. i texted matt from the viewing saying that i had only been there for 5 minutes and i already needed air. i just wasn’t prepared for this.

2) i got rehired at buc-ee’s. i ended up at the same store as last summer. different boss tho and he’s super nice and really great about giving you the days off you need.

3) i got a house. my parents are generous enough to provide kevin and i with a house to live in for the rest of our college years. it’s really nice. it’s big, for one. i’m really excited about this. i can’t wait to make it a home.

4) i have a new best friend. add him to the list. matty, i love you. i think making my day or even week isn’t enough to express how excited i was when you told me that. i miss having a guy best friend. there was jason…that didn’t work out. then kaleb. we’re still friends but not on the same level. but speaking of: i got back in touch with an old best friend from high school recently. we rarely go a day without talking and usually it’s for hours at a time. i miss him. unfortunately i think i helped bring on a change in the dynamic of the relationship. last time this particular change happened, i lost him and i don’t want that to happen again.

ok so that’s all i can think of right now. i feel like this is a big summer for me. now that we’ve got a house, i think this may be my last summer at home. i also feel (unfortunately) like i’m building stronger relationships with my friends from school instead of strengthening those that i’ve had for years. it’s subconscious at times and usually i make excuses, but it’s happening. i feel bad, but at the same time, i feel like because my two worlds are so far apart, i have to choose left or right. that’s not to say there aren’t some paths connecting the two roads, but in the end, i have to choose a direction. i’m not sure how i feel about that.

*sigh*

ok, that is all.